Stop Worrying About The Things You Can Not Change

So many of us get upset about things that are beyond our control.  Many of us give ourselves ulcers and anxiety just thinking about them.  Why do we do that to ourselves?
Age is just a number!
Just recently my cousin was bemoaning her age, in fact she was upset because her father was telling people how old she was.  I really can not understand why.  Age is something I never really think about.  Usually I don't even remember how old I am, I often tell people the year I was born and tell them to figure it out for themselves.  My age is only going to go up and never go down, it is one of those things I have no control over.  Only the way I look and act in my age can change.  It is really true that you are only as old as you feel.  I feel like every age is the new 20 and I am going to enjoy them all.  Besides, 39 never looked so good to me.  :-)
Eventually you will stop growing!
Most of the people I meet are taller then me.  Including my daughters and most of the children at the high school they attend.  New I meet often ask me how I can stand being so short.  My answer is usually "The same way you do...on two legs."  :-)  To me this is a very rude statement.  I am 5 feet tall and have been for most of my 39 years.  I am not going to grow, so God must have intended for me to be this height.  I enjoy being short, it is all I have ever known and I make it work for me. 
I try to concentrate on the things I can change in my life.  My weight, my fitness level, how I interact with my daughters, my commitment to my community and if I enjoy my job.  These are all things that I can do something about. 
Since beginning my path in the "Me Initiative" I have changed my view on all of these.  Every day I work out and am conscience of what I eat to make the changes I needed to in my weight and fitness level.  I now enjoy my job and I work hard every day to meet and surpass the expectations my boss has for me.  The girls and I spend a lot of time outside enjoying the world and our time spent together.  I have always made an effort to volunteer my time and money, but now I include the girls in my efforts and we spend even more of our time volunteering around the community.  Everyday my life gets better and the more time I spend focusing on the things I am able to change the better it will be.
What bothers you that you can not change?  Why does it bother you?
What could you focus on instead?

This Is Your Path

This has truly been my path to walk alone.  I have been self-motivating and self-creating my new reality.  There are those who will walk part of it with me, but no one can walk it for me.  Even those people on the same path as me are not going to the same destination I am.  Because of this I must always be aware of the pitfalls.

The "Me Initiative" is a little like the empty highway I found myself on a few days ago.  If you have ever been to Baltimore you know that that does not happen very often.  There were plenty of cars speeding towards me on the other side, but not a light to be seen on my side....at first.  By the time I took my exit, there were several tail lights a bit in front of me and headlights behind me, but they never did catch up to me and I never caught up to them.

That is the way my path has been.  There are people coming towards me who look at my success and say I do not need to go any further.  They mean well, but they are basing the thought on what they perceive is my goal and not what my actual goal is.  I can't worry about what they think.  Only I know what is best for me and what my end goal truly is.  There are people in front of me who are further along on the path.  It is tempting to try to catch up to them, but for now this is where my exit is.  I would be setting myself up for failure if I try to catch up to them.  I have developed a carefully constructed plan to meet my goal and rushing to catch up with someone else will not get me there.  There are people behind me who have not started on the path or are not as far along as me.  I can not slow down to let them catch up.  I can offer them support and advice as to what has been working for me, but they have their own path to follow.

Sometimes my path is lonely.  I would love to find a battle buddy who would run with me at 3am or who doesn't mind my crazy fitness regime.  And maybe at some point I will find that person, but it will still be my path to walk alone.  Their goals will be different then mine and while we may be on parallel paths we each have to motivate ourselves in the end and stay true to the path that we are on.

Where is your path leading you?

Have you found a battle buddy to share the path with?

Dare To Do The Things You Said You Would Never Do

For years I have said that the only way I would ever run again was in the event of the zombie apocalypse.  Apparently the zombie apocalypse happened last Saturday.  Every day this week I have started my day with a mile and a half run.  I forgot how much I actually love to run.  Running was always something that I would do twice a day, how did I survive not doing it at all?
I realize that my reluctance to run was because I just could not physically do it and it would have drawn attention to myself.  Running was just another joy that I deprived myself of, so I could maintain my armor. 
As I have traveled on the path of the "Me Initiative" and my fitness and activity level has gone up I have more and more heard the call to run.  The need to hit the pavement was something I just could not ignore anymore.  I did not intend to start with a mile and a half distance. but it was a natural start and stop point from house.  I actually didn't track the distance until Thursday, so imagine my shock when I realized I had been going that far all week. 
I have not felt such inner piece as I have this week.  Those 3am moments when it's just me and the street lights enjoying the physical activity and the gentle slap of my sneakers on the sidewalk have really helped me to find my center.
I have never been a fast runner, but I could always run everyone else to the ground with my distances.  And I am okay with that.  I enjoy myself more when I move slow and steady as opposed to forcing myself to move fast.  My goal is to eventually manage three laps of my route.  The girls would like to do some 5ks like the color run and, amazingly enough, the zombie run.  But other than that my morning runs are just a time for me to center myself and enjoy the exertion.
I would have missed out on something I truly love if I had continued to ignore my need to run.  My stance of never running again was becoming a detriment to my progression and my emotional well being.  All because I was afraid that I would not be able to do it and someone might see my red face of exertion at the end of my run.
Do not let a statement you made long ago keep you from becoming the best version of you.  There are some things that I am fairly certain I will not do, like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, but as soon as I find someone willing to give me a ride on their Harley I am ready.
What have you said you would never do?
Why do you feel you will not do it?

Do You Want To Be Skinny Or Fit

Definition of Skinny - Means very thin.
Definition of Fit - means to be in good health, especially because of regular exercise and to be the right shape and size.
Making this distinction was something I have always struggled with in the past.  Every time I have failed in my weight loss struggles it was because I was looking to be skinny and not fit.  I admit that I fell into the social hype and joined the crowds as to what a person is "Supposed" to look like.
Society looks at those individuals who are the stars, the ones on the magazines and the ones on the news to determine what looks good.  And yes there are many "Skinny" people out there.  But a lot of those people are not truly healthy.  They have used diet alone to achieve something that looks good in clothes, but once they are naked the truth can be seen.  There are the un-healthy skinny people who look like their skin is falling off of their bones, some people are skinny fat and can fit in a size zero but have extra flesh in certain areas and should really aim to wear a size one.  Then you have the ones who look good in and out of their clothes, the models who seem skinny on the surface but are in fact fit.  They use a rigorous combination of diet and exercise to achieve a true look of health.
After many failed attempts and a lot of research I realized that to reach my goals in the "Me Initiative" I had to change my standard of body image.  I thought I wanted to be skinny when I have really always wanted to be fit.  I have curves and I am okay with that.  My entire life I have had what I call "Hawaiian Hips", a nice way to say I actually have a bottom and my thighs are bigger then someone who is tall with long muscles.  But they match perfectly with my muscular calves, short stature and smaller waist.  It has taken me years to determine that I am perfectly proportioned to myself.  Amazingly enough, the fact that I have two daughters who tower over me with long muscles helped me to see that there is an actual difference based on a person's height.  I am still working to meet my goal, but now that I am looking at my reality and not society's fantasy I know I will get there.
The first thing you need to do when deciding if you want to be fit or skinny is to choose standards for how you want to judge yourself.  People will always tell you that you are too skinny, too fat or too muscular.  Those people judge everyone based on what they look like and what they perceive as the standard.  The most important opinion is your own.  As long as you are pleased with your own physique it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
What standard are you judging yourself by?  Society's or your own?

Let Your Passion Wake You Up Not An Alarm Clock

I have always had a zest for life, a passion to enjoy each day to the fullest and get every drop of joy I am to from it.  From the day I started middle school I have been an early riser.  I function at my best when the day is fresh and new.  I never really needed an alarm clock, my internal alarm would just get me up.  It has always been like my body knew it was time to get up and enjoy life.  My ability to get up on my own at any time of my chosen helped me a lot when I was living the Army life.
The hardships and my mental location of the last fifteen years saw my joy for life slowly disappear.  Each day my passion was harder and harder to bring to the front, until I reached my lowest point and realized that I had no passion left at all.  I found no joy in living and it was the worst realization I have made to date.  Not even the joy of my girls was enough to wake me in the mornings.  My internal alarm clock was one of the things I missed the most when I was buried in the depths of my armor.  Every day that I had to set an alarm and then force myself to get up made me realize how low I had truly fallen. 
One of the first steps I took in the "Me Initiative" was to rediscover my passion.  It took a while, with many false starts, but I have found it now.  My passion is finding the joy in life, even when it seems like there should be no joy at all.  I remember how much I love 2am work outs.  No matter how much I sweat and how much my muscles might ache they make me feel great the rest of the day.  I have gotten to the point where I feel yucky if I miss a work out.  Even a lite day requires me to do some kind of activity to feel good.
For the last year I have not had to set an alarm clock.  Every morning my internal alarm gets me up and I feel invigorated and motivated to start my day.  I wake each morning with a purpose in life that I have been missing.  A need to meet each day with the desire to find the joy in it.  It is amazing how motivated you become when your passion wakes you up.
What is your passion?
Does it motivate you to get up in the morning?

Reward Yourself For Meeting Milestones

Throughout my journey, I have set certain milestones for myself.  Goals within my plan to motivate me on my way.  Little places that I decided I would reward myself with something I wanted when I reached them.

At this weeks weigh in I met one of those milestones.  I wanted to successfully get into the 120s in my weight.  This is the first time, in my weight loss attempts, during the past 15 years that I was able to do it.  It is a true testament of my motivation to my "Me Initiative" and my fitness goals.  Every time before I would get stuck in the 130s and for the previous 3 weeks I was stuck at 130.  I was becoming a little worried about it.  When I stepped on the scale Saturday morning and the scale said 127 pounds.  I did a happy dance with a smile on my face. 

Later that day I went out with the girls and my friend to get my hair colored.  My hair is now my natural color with streamers of red in it.  Something I have been wanting to do for years.  No matter how I have been in the past, I am not really a conventional person.  I love the shock factor.

I feel so much more motivated now between meeting my milestone and the reward of my new hair.  I'm excited to continue on my path in the "Me Initiative" to meet my ultimate goal.

It is so important to set myself goals within my goal.  They help me to work toward my main goal by giving me little milestones along the way.  Places where I can give myself mini rewards to remind me why I am on the "Me Initiative".

Of course I already know what my reward will be at the end.  I will have gotten fit, embraced my new lifestyle, reached my goal weight and exercise level, and rewarded myself with a tattoo.  Something I have wanted for a long time, but refused to get until it had a meaning.  I still have to work on a design, but when I am ready to get it the design will present itself.

What are your milestones?

What will you reward yourself with when you reach them?



Take The Time To Really See Yourself

The biggest battle in the "Me Initiative" has been with my perception of myself.  I knew going into this that I needed to rebuild myself from the ground up.  In order to make a lasting change I had to work on my mental and emotional vision of myself as well as my physical body.  I know that the attempts I made in the past didn't last because I never addressed the underlying issues.  I did not give myself my own unyielding support. So as I came across a bump in the road I was back to where I had been before and in most cases even further back.

This time I knew that I wanted the changes to last.  I am ready to discover the real me.  To accomplish that I knew that I had to really look at the way I saw myself.  It is not very flattering, but this is what I thought of myself almost two years ago at the beginning of my journey.

Before the "Me Initiative" - I saw myself as Quiet, reserved, trying to avoid being noticed, would talk if spoken to but didn't seek out conversation, nervous, lazy, giving, loyal, and caring.

Looking at it now, I can see that being quiet and reserved was part of my armor.  If I didn't seek out conversation then I didn't have to worry about rejection.  It is really kind of setting yourself up to be rejected without any of the effort.  I think I was nervous because I was worried that someone would see what I had so carefully hidden.  They might have seen that what was on the surface was a carefully built illusion and draw attention to me.  I don't know why I ever thought I was lazy.  I have a full time job, work part time for three dance schools, designed and created my own line of products and have been the only parent of two beautiful girls. The lazy I thought I was, was really just me being tired.  Since 1996, I have been up at 3am and gone to bed after 9:30pm.  That is roughly six or less hours of sleep a night.  I'm sure most would be tired and then add on the extra weight and all of the self-doubt and recriminations and a person just stays tired.  I am glad to see that I at least felt a few kind thoughts of myself.  I am very giving, I try to give dance scholarships every year, I give back to the police officers in our community, and I volunteer my time as much as possible.  I am very loyal to the people I consider my friends.  I give them my all, giving of my time and funds freely if they need it.  That is why it hurts so badly when I have found out my loyalty was misplaced.  I am a very caring person, I feel for everyone I have come across.  I would willingly give the shirt off my back if it was the last thing I had and someone needed it.  This quality makes it very hard for me to tell others no.  Even if it is detrimental to my well being. 

As the next step in the "Me Initiative", I asked some of my friends to describe me.  I was very shocked at how they viewed me, how had they seen this side of myself that I completely missed?  But then I realized that these were people I had slowly let see the real me.  I'm not sure when it happened, but it is good to know that they were able to get under my armor.  I have hope that more people will get in now that my armor is coming off.  Here are some of their descriptions:

SL - "Focused.  You tend to set a goal and work your ass off to follow it through, no matter what curve balls life throws at you.  When things get tough, you get tougher because you have your eyes on the prize"

SS - "Confident, strong, artistic, talented, generous (with time and money), devoted mother, real friend!"

AJ - "Thoughtful, driven, positive, chatty (hee hee), talented"

BV - "Hard working, dependable, fun, honest, caring, giving to those you feel are in need"

SG - "Indomitable; hard working; loving; wise; dedicated; kind; devoted; funny; honest; an inspiration"

Now, I can look at myself critically and see all of those qualities.  I can also see that I am a very interactive person.  I love to talk with people; kids, old, young, guys, girls, I enjoy them all.  I love to see what matters to them and to share what matters to me.  I'm extremely happy when I am surrounded by a steady stream of different people, but I also need some quite time.  An hour on my balcony with a good book is more than enough to recharge me for another day.  I love to be outside and especially on the water.  I love to be active, hiking, fishing, rollerblading, swimming, boating and so many more activities.  I love cheering for my sports teams and my favorite fighters.  I love going to car shows and bike weeks and there is nothing better than crawling under a car working on the engine.  (I guess the Army got my MOS right.  :-) ) I enjoy spending time with my girls and I love teaching them to support those in the community, both those in need and the ones who are doing their best to protect and serve as well as fighting fires.

Now that I have uncovered my real personality, I can't imagine ever going back to the way I have been the last fifteen years.  This is the first time in my life that I feel like myself.  I am happy with the me I am and every aspect I uncover makes me happier.

What do you think of yourself?

What do your friends think of you?

Has your view of yourself changed?

Write Down Your Goals

For anyone who has met me, they know I am a list maker.  I have at least five notebooks running around at any giving time with lists in them.  Okay, so I usually don't have my list on me when I need it.  But I wrote it down and can kind of remember it.....mostly.
Imagine my happy surprise when I was cleaning house and found my old actualization book.  That's right!  Some brilliant guru once told me that to reach your goals you need to write them down.  Of course, me being me, I was all over that.  For four months apparently, at least that is when the documentation ended.
It was kind of an awakening moment when I looked at it.  My goals back then are pretty much the same as they are now.  Although now I am in a much better emotional and financial place.  I can even look at it and laugh a little, okay a lot.  Yes, I actually took one of those bikini before pictures.  What was I thinking!!!!!  No way is anyone ever seeing that picture.  It wasn't even at my highest weight, YIKES! 
I am so glad that I made this book back then.  It does not matter that I did not succeed back then.  What matters is that I can see haw far I have come now.  I needed that reminder of all that I have accomplished.
I might not have created a binder this time, but I am keeping an even better recording of my goals and what I have accomplished.  I have my picture documentations, my goal lists, spread sheets and even this blog is a record of where I have been and where I am going.  I have not made it to Hawaii yet and I am not ready for my after bikini picture, but they are coming.
How are you keeping a record of your goals and accomplishments?
Have you started to document them yet?

Don't Forget Your Vitamins

I have never really been one who takes medicines often or even remembers to take them at all.  One reason is because I just don't like having that stuff running through my system.  Obviously I have never done drugs, smoked and I very rarely drink.  To each their own, but I have never really been able to get on board with the thought of any of those.  The other reason is that, in all of the things I have running through my head at any given time, remembering to take a pill or two is just not high on my to do list.  I'm bad enough that I had to put a sticky note on the microwave to remind me to take birth control when I was on that.
Unfortunately for me, this mindset became a real challenge when I started on the "Me Initiative".  Most doctors and weight loss professionals tell you that you should start taking at least a multi-vitamin everyday when you are actively losing weight.  Their is some speculation that a multi-vitamin is overkill when you have a healthy diet and you should just take the individual vitamins you need.  For someone like me, breaking it all down is a pain that I just can't suffer.  If you really want to get that into it ask your physician for guidance.  Myself, I take a Super Foods Multi-Vitamin, a Probiotic, and a B complex for energy once every day and a Fiber with Metabolism Support twice a day.  No matter how you do it, you really need to take some kind of vitamins.  Especially in the beginning of your journey.  You are not eating healthy to start and then you are severely cutting your calories and eventually you are ramping up your activity level.  This means your body needs more of those necessary vitamins.
I have actually gotten really good at taking my vitamins over the last year.  (A big shocker to me considering my past mind set.)  I do have to put the vitamins where I am sure to see them every day, but at least I remember to take them.  Now I only miss if I happen to run out before I make it to the store.  Of course it is much nicer to take vitamins that are gummies that those horse pills or nasty tasting chewable pills that used to be the only option.
Have you taken your vitamins today?

Age Is Relative

If you are like me, this is a hard concept to grasp.  I used to think that the older I got the less desirable everyone would think me.  That by the time I reclaimed my life I would be a dried up old prune that no one would want.  Every year I found myself buried in even heavier armor because I was too afraid to put myself out there and face rejection again.
I went into the Army just after my eighteenth birthday.  I spent the first year of that in training and tentatively exploring the new parent free life I was living.  When I got to my duty station, I would go out but I tended to take a while to warm up to people and I felt like I have always been an old soul.  I think it was because of the huge generational gap in my family and spending most of my childhood surrounded by adults.  After only two years of enjoying life, I found myself married and then, as is the nature of the Army, on my own for more than half of that time.  He went to Germany and I stayed in Texas for eight months until I could move.  I welcomed Summer into the world three years after we were married.  My life kind of fell apart after that.  The donor was around, but not in least bit interested in helping me with our daughter.  Then the incident occurred and I found myself pregnant again.  I discharged from the service and brought myself and Summer back to the states to have a better birth experience and to have my parent's help.  It was a very good thing.  It was only eighteen months after the birth of Summer that I welcomed Mollee to the world.  From that day it has always been the three of us.   The donor has never met Mollee, in fact I received a nice "Dear Sydney" letter from him two months after giving birth.  Apparently he had another family in Germany that he was leaving us and the Army (going AWOL was okay with him I guess) for, didn't that make me feel old and like the worst kind of idiot that I didn't see that one coming at all. 
Between the trauma in my life, leaving the military, and finding myself abandoned with two beautiful babies, my twenties went by in the blink of an eye.  I was constantly in survival mode.  It took me two years to get divorced, it's kind of hard to do when he is AWOL and not in the country.  I used the GI bill to get a quick degree in a well paying career in the medical field.  I raised the girls while going to school, working nights as a temp, then being hired by the hospital and working nights for them until I was able to change my schedule.  I made sure I did my externship at a hospital in the Baltimore area and then, with some help, I was able to get a better paying job there.  Before I knew it my twenties were gone.
My thirties have not been much better.  I was struggling to give my girls a good life, worried over my boss threatening my job on a daily basis, and my parents moved in with me to help them out financially and to help my mom take care of my dad with his slow onset of dementia.  I felt like my life was passing me by.  The older I got the less joy I found in it.  I felt like I had no chance at a future.  My girls would leave to live their lives and I would still be stuck in the rut of my existence.
It was during my lowest time that the right people began to enter into my life.  Their good will and energy set me on the path to start the "Me Initiative".  Because of them I realized that age is relative and you are really only as old as you feel.  Especially my new boss, Cathy is super energetic, she is very active in her community and seems to have an abundance of go power and just an over all zest for life.  Her friendship has really set me on the path to a better version of me.  Without her coming into my life, I might have never found the me buried under all of that armor.
Now I find myself with even more energy than I had when I was younger.  I look forward to each day and the trials it will bring.  I laugh with my daughters, we go do things together and I make time for my friends.  I am constantly joking with the girls that forty-two is the new twenty.  When my youngest graduates, in three years, I will have just turned forty-two and I am looking forward to it.  I will have met my goals in the "Me Initiative" and be open to anything the world brings my way.
I was very scared of the upcoming deadline for a long time.  Just the thought of being alone in this world and trapped in my armor and circumstances made me cringe and the tension pile up on me.  Now I am ready and able to embrace my new life as an empty nester.  I will be able to move if I want, finally get my dream job and hopefully even my dream man.  I will still be able to enjoy the times I have with my girls and the free time I will have without them.  I no longer feel like I will be spending the rest of my life alone.  Everyday I feel younger that the day before.  I am open to the path I am traveling on and the new people and experiences I will encounter along the way.  I have faith that the right people will continue to cross my path and we will enjoy each other and each age of life as it comes.
How do you see your age?
Are you getting older or younger as the years go by?

How Do You React To A Setback

Often it is not our successes that define us, but our setbacks.  Our reaction to the setbacks is so much more important than our reaction to our successes.  In the beginning each of my setbacks made me feel like a complete and utter failure.  I just knew that I must have done something wrong to have failed that week or I must have backslid and didn't realize it.
I would then actually backslide.  I would suddenly have to have a cake, or chips, or something equally bad.  But it wouldn't be just one....Nope it would end up being the entire box or the whole bag.  Before I knew it, I would be on a bad food bender and then I had to start detox all over again.  Detox meaning going back on my healthy meal plan and schedule with the pain of being hungry sometimes until I was back on track.
This kept being my cycle until I realized that a setback is not really a bad thing.  As it has already happened, there is no reason to get upset about it.  I have survived many setbacks and still have managed to come this far.  A setback is really just my world telling me that I need to take a step back, to reflect on my week and see what I did that was great and what I might be able to do better at.  A chance for me to make mini goals to make it to my big goal.
Take this week, I had a minor setback.  When I stepped on the scale this morning I had gained 2 ounces.  I know 2 ounces doesn't seem like a lot, but when you are down to the last 15 pounds 2 ounces seems like a mountain.  My first instinct was to stress out and get upset.  In fact I felt my muscles tensing and I knew I had to take a step back.  I could have cheated, went and used the facilities and gotten back on the scale later, but the one thing I will not do is lie to myself.  I made myself a promise, at the beginning of the "Me Initiative" to always be brutally honest with myself and to take ownership of everything that I did.  No more denial and hiding behind my armor.  That means stepping on the scale only once a week and dealing with whatever it says.
So I took a step back to reflect and realized that my goal this year is to continue to get fit and shed those last 15 pounds.  Last year I shed 80 pounds and this year has only just begun in June.  Why am I stressing out when I have 10 more months to meet my goal?  This week wasn't really a setback after all.  It was more a bi-weekly pause, which seems to be the burgeoning trend in my journey.  According to my Fitbit :
I walked 127'992 steps (10'727 steps more than last week)
I exercised 699 minutes (50 minutes more than last week)
and I drank 859.7 ounces of water (36.9 ounces more than last week)
All of these were improvements over last week.  The only area where I slid back a little was I didn't have as much protein this week.  And it seems Monday is a day I don't usually hit my goal in any area.
I am so glad that I have learned not every setback is really a setback.  It is very important to take that step back and really look at the facts.  So instead of going on a HoHo bender today, I have already worked for the hospital and am ready to start exercising.  I have made it a goal to at least get 10'000 steps this Monday and to put a little more protein in my diet this week.
How do you handle a setback?
Do you let the stress take over and lead you back to your old routine or do you stand strong and stay on the path you are currently blazing?

Like Beget Like

I'm sure we have all heard "like beget like" at some time in our lives.  And, like me, you probably thought to yourself, yeah right.  As I have traveled my path on the "Me Initiative" I have found this to be very true.



It is very easy, now, to see the toxic environment I allowed myself to remain in for so very long.  When I was at my worst, I surrounded myself with "friends" who were:  a Chronic Complainer (nothing anyone did was good enough for her, even if it was what she said she wanted), a Pessimist (the world was always coming to an end and everyone was out to get her), a Deflector (nothing was ever her fault, she took no personal ownership in anything that happened around her), and a Realist (she calls it like she sees it, no matter what).  It's no wonder I felt like I needed my armor.  Just the thought of being in the same room with most of them would make my neck get tight and bring on a tension headache.


One of my favorite co-workers really freed me to separate myself from almost all of them and to look inside myself to see what I needed to thrive.  When I asked how she handled dealing with the boss who seemed to hate me and threated my job daily, she gave me some of the best advice I have ever gotten.  She told me that I couldn't control our boss or what she did, I could only control my reaction to it.  It seems fairly simple right?  Only it's not.  It is just another reason that you have to look deep within yourself and see the real you.  I'm not going to say it's been easy, but now, when I feel the tension building and myself getting caught in the uproar, I make myself look internally to see if I really have cause to be upset.  Will my world end if I take up the banner like everyone else or is okay for me to sit back and go with the flow?

This happened at a restaurant once.  I was ordering for my daughter and myself and I clearly stated that I wanted two orders of French fries, I then paid and sat down.  When I got to the table, I saw my receipt said two orders of Kabuli Rice.  My friend said I should go back and complain.  I told her no, that it was not that important to me.  I then told her about my co-worker and that I would wait to see what came out.  When the rice came it was the best meal ever, my friend actually ended up eating a full portion herself.  She asked me how I knew to wait and I said that sometimes God just wants you to have Kabuli Rice.  Unless it came with some kind of tree nut or peanut in it, I was not going to perish from trying something new.  And why should I make the employee miserable when I didn't care either way?

I use this philosophy in my everyday life now.  If I get behind a slow car, I figure it just means I need to slow down.  My outlook on life is so much healthier now and it has helped me to pick people who are healthy for me to hang out with.  I haven't completely dropped my other friends, but I do limit my exposure to them.  When they start getting toxic, I take a step back now instead of getting drawn into the madness.

Now I surround myself with friends who are:  Always happy (I don't think the smile ever goes away), Caring and Helpful to Others (I don't think she has room for one more volunteer activity), Enjoys Going Out (we are on a constant adventure with our daughters whenever we are together), Forward Thinking (she always has a new goal to achieve and pushes me to make and reach my own), Family Oriented (she enjoys being with the family who matters to her, even when there is a big time between visits), and of course the Realist (you always need that friend who makes you see yourself as you really are and can talk you down from the ledge).  With this group of women I feel like I am no longer alone.  When times get tough and I am in the middle of a setback, I have plenty of life lines to reach out to and I always have support. 

Who do you surround yourself with?
Are they people who make you thrive?

Find Your Motivation

Finding your motivation is harder than you think.  It takes a lot of internal reflection to see what is really motivating you to want to change.  Take the time to look beyond the surface and figure out what your motivation is because what motivates you is different than what motivates your friend.


I had to really look within myself about a month ago to find my motivation.  You would think that I already had my motivation since I have gotten so far in my "Me Initiative", but I found that my past motivation wasn't working for me anymore.


My original motivation was to get healthy, so I would still be here when my daughters graduate in a couple of years.  You are right if you are thinking that it sounds a little fatalistic for someone who is only 39, but my body was failing me.  I knew in my bones that something terrible was on the edge waiting to hit.  My time was running out.


I don't feel that way anymore.  I have my old energy back, I want to do things and I am back to enjoying late nights and early mornings.  I'm talkative and social again, finding friends instead of strangers.  All of that renewed energy made it difficult for me to stick to my exercise routine.  Especially when you factor in the cold weather, which is not my favorite season.  I needed to look deep within again to see what I was really aiming to gain out of the changes I was making in my life.


As you can see, I did find my motivation in the form of "The Notorious" Conor McGregor I know what you are thinking, of course part of it is his looks.  I mean he is shredded, covered in tats and Irish to boot, you have to be dead to not appreciate his looks.   But that is not all of it.  he is dedicated to his craft and still dedicated to his family.  He has worked hard to be at the place he is in life.  He has had set backs, who hasn't, and yet he continues to move forward in both his personal and professional life.


When I look at his picture it reminds me to continue working hard and aiming for my goal.  It also reminds me not to settle.  I have been settling for 15 years, but not anymore.  Like anyone not in a relationship, I hope that the changes I have made will lead me to a guy of my own.  Clearly there are guys out there with the right qualities, who are not perfect, who actually is, but are perfect for me.  I'm only human, I want to find a guy who likes the same types of things I do and the shredded body and tats are always going to turn my head.  But that is not what motivates me in the "Me Initiative".  I have waited this long and I am willing to wait forever if that's what it takes.


If the right guy comes along I am not going to turn him away.  But at the moment I am more interested in continuing on my journey to see what I am really like under all this armor I have been shedding.  I love the me I have found so far.  I no longer describe myself as a single mother of 2.  I am now a motivated, energetic, hard worker who is dedicated to her 2 daughters, her friends and herself.


Look deep within yourself and take the time to find out what truly motivates you.  It can make all of the difference in the world.

Don't Let Your Success Make You Lose Your Discipline

There are many reasons why people fail to reach weight loss goals and their goals in general.  They get bored, lose their motivation, don't succeed fast enough and give up or they do succeed and throw themselves a party.  We all need encouragement when we have reached a goal or milestone, but the problem with throwing a party is that then most people revert back to their old ways.


That is what happened to me over the winter.  I had already slowed down because of the cold weather and I went off my new eating habits because of the holidays.  I thought to myself that I would be fine since I had already lost so much weight..... But I thought wrong.  Before I knew it, I was addicted to Brooksides Chocolate Acai Berry snacks and I was flirting with 5 pounds that would come and go.  I had completely lost the discipline I had gained.  I felt like I was spiraling out of control.


I decided that I had to do something fast or I would be right back to where I never wanted to be again.  I took a month off to regroup and focus on my mindset.  I gave up the Brooksides (which was harder than you think) and made more of an effort to exercise while I had no pressure of documenting everything and weighing in.  I found my motivation.  I remembered that I like to exercise and eat healthy.  I finally feel like I am getting back on the right track.


I have re-found my discipline with every intention of keeping it from here on out.


Have you found your discipline?

Make An Effort

As I have reclaimed my life, I noticed that I never really stayed in touch with my friends anymore.  I waited for them to contact me and when they didn't I felt even more unworthy.  I don't know how I managed to bury myself so far in my own doubt and misery that I felt it was totally up to them to keep in contact with me.  I've always been a very social person.  I love talking to people, going places, meeting new people and having get togethers at my house.  I didn't even realize that I had shut everyone out of my life until I was struggling to begin the me initiative.


It is so much harder to uncover you when you don't have a solid support system.  Especially when it is your own fault as a product of your hiding from the world.  In the effort to protect myself from further emotional injury I gave myself the worst kind of injury.  I left myself with no one to go to for aid in finding me.  No one knew the real me anymore, I didn't even know my true self either.  Thank goodness for Cathy, Stacey, Allison, my daughters, Leesa, and a few others who never gave up on me.


Now I make an effort to connect with my friends.  Every Monday I send a "Happy Monday" message to a group of people whom I don't want to lose touch with.  I also send a "Sydney was here!" message at random times when I'm thinking of them.  There is no pressure for them to respond, but they know they were on my mind.


I have rediscovered that it is not up to other to make me happy, it is up to me.  Everything I do has to make me feel happy and leave me with the ability to sleep at night.


Don't lose your friends and support system because you are hiding from the world.  You will never be happy.


No matter what, Make The Effort!

Exit Your Comfort Zone

Exiting your comfort zone is one of the scariest things to do.  It is our comfort zone for a reason.  It is safe, easy and known.  The fear of the unknown is really what holds us back from leaving our comfort zone.


For me, it was not the unknown that I feared.  I feared/fear what others would think.  It took me a long time to stop worrying about what others thought.  I had a conversation with one of my coworkers about an issue I was having with my old boss.  I asked her how she handled it and she explained to me that I could not worry about what others did or thought.  It is up to them how they think, it is up to me how I react to what they say and do.  If I let them drive me then I would always feel stressed and inferior.  This was a pivotal moment for me.  I finally realized that they had not traveled my path to where I was and their approval wasn't necessary for me to get where I was going.


The hardest thing for me to do now and then is to exercise in front of other people.  I know it sounds stupid, I mean I was in the Army and every day for years I had to do PT in front of thousands of my "closest" friends.  But I found myself unable to even exercise in front of my daughters.


I have slowly overcome this one day at a time.  I started by swimming laps in my pool, very difficult since I hadn't even worn a bathing suit in five years when I started swimming again.  Then I went to an adult tap class at my daughter's dance studio, again very difficult since I haven't danced in over 15 years and I never took lessons.  I had a real break through a few weeks ago.  I actually took my mini stepper out on the balcony and spent my hour exercising in the great outdoors.  Okay!  I made the girls keep me company and I read a book on my iPad, but I did it! 


I consider every time I take it outside to exercise a major win.  Even now, after exercising on my balcony many times, I'm still a little daunted by the thought of exercising in a gym.  One good thing is that I don't ever really have to take that step, but I probably will eventually.


Every day I try to do one thing out of my comfort zone. 


how about you?  What is the hardest thing for you to overcome?

Find Your Happy Place

One of the first things you should do is find your happy place.  Where is that one place, or maybe two places, where you feel the most joy and the most peace?  Your happy place could even be a person, someone who calms you just by being in the same room.  Where you can go to center yourself and reflect on what has set you off balance.


For me it is our pool.  I actually picked my apartment because I have always loved the pool.  I would drive by it and it would just call to me.  Others are concerned about having a laundry set up in the apartment, me I would rather tromp up and down a million stairs to have free access to the pool all summer.


I love being outside and anything in and on the water.  Canoeing, boating, fishing, swimming I love them all.  Something about being out there forces me to slow down and to confront everything in my life.  The quite time, the stillness in the air, the view of the clouds and the gentle lap of the water centers me like nothing else.


I am saddened when the pool closes each September.  I then switch to my balcony and try to spend as much time as possible outside walking and hiking.  But it is not really the same.  Nothing brings me as much peace as a day around the water.


Where is your happy place?

Make a Goal And Then a Plan

A dream is just an idea until you make a goal and then a plan on how you intend to reach that goal.  For years I dreamed of creating a new me, but I never made any lasting changes until I made a 4 year plan in the me initiative.


I know a 4 year plan seems daunting, but let us be realistic.  It took me 15 years to hide myself from life.  And I do mean hide myself.  I wore my fat like armor keeping me from having to interact with the world.  I became this quite, mousy person who in no way represents the me I have been my entire life.  If anyone noticed the me underneath all of that armor, I would immediately go and add more armor.  This was not something I did consciously, I didn't even realize it was happening until it was almost too late.  When you reflect on all of the time I spent hiding, a 4 year plan is a very short time in comparison.


Every person's dream is different, so their plan is also different.  My dream is to be able to live the life I want to live when my youngest daughter graduates in 2020.  I will only be 42 and I plan on enjoying the 20s I spent being the soul provider for my daughters and the 30s I spent taking care of my parents when that time comes. 


My plan is laid out like this......


Year 1 - Get my eating habits under control and start losing weight while I work on finding my confidence and learning how to love myself first.


Year 2 - Turn my exercise routine into a habit, continue refining my eating habits and getting fit as well as lose weight while continuing to find my confidence and learning how to love myself again.


Year 3 - Update my wardrobe and start "dating" my friends to re-learn how to be social with adults and continue everything from year 2, while being open to dating just not actively looking.


Year 4 - Start actively putting myself out there in the dating world, put myself in more social situations and figure out what I want to do with my life going forward, while continuing everything from year 2 and 3.


Don't worry if you have to make changes as you go along.......Plans, like dreams, do tend to change.  It is a good idea to reevaluate your goals and your plans every year. 


What is your dream?  As a goal?  As a plan?

What a Difference a year Makes

Who would have thought that a year would bring so many changes.  Last summer I was at the beginning of my journey in the me initiative.  I was well into changing my eating habits and really starting my work out routine.  My goal was set and my 4 year plan was starting to come together.


It was scary and daunting when I thought about the expected results at the end of 4 years.  I really had to attack it one week at a time or I was almost too afraid to carry on.  Even then, I had moments when I felt that this would all be in vain.  I had many conversations with friends and received some good suggestions and guidance, but for the most part I knew I was on my own for this journey.  Failing or succeeding was going to have to come from me and my own intestinal fortitude.


I know it seems odd to find a new, well not really new but returning to an old, lifestyle scary.  But I knew there had to be tons of changes and sacrifice to get where I want to be.  The unfortunate part is that the closer I get to my goal the scarier it gets.


It seems that the closer I get to my goal the harder it is to get there.  I find that I begin to doubt myself and my right to be happy more and more.  And I start to erect unconscious barriers keeping me from reaching my goal.  This is it, the point where I have to decide to keep going or stop.  I'm 17 pounds from my goal, the closest I have ever been.


I choose to keep going! 


What will you decide?

When you feel like doing it the least you need to do it the most

As I have traveled on this journey, I have found times when I really didn't want to be bothered with exercising.  For me it is when it is cold outside.  I really hate the cold!  It was never my favorite time of year, but after you get frost bite it becomes your least favorite.


Often it took everything I had to make me get up and move.  Once I was into my exercise it was great, but just getting started on days like that is the worst.  But those days are also the most rewarding.


Something about breaking a sweat when you really didn't want to move makes it seem so much more meaningful.  I am free to let my mind wander during my work out on those days and I have such a sense of accomplishment when I finish.


It is those little victories of just getting up and moving when I wanted to stay still that give me the motivation to continue towards my goal.


Always remember, only you are holding you back.

Be Objective

You are not anyone else you are yourself.  You need to remember that, especially once you start weekly weigh ins.  No matter how much or how little you lost this week every ounce is one less than the week before.  Every loss is to be celebrated and an encouragement to lose more.

You also need to remember that you are not your friends or anyone else.  I am 5' and my ideal body weight is 97 to 127 pounds.  My 6'4" friend has an ideal body weight of 156 to 204 pounds.  It is not only unrealistic, but dangerous for her to try to be the same weight as me.  She will never by my height, why should she be my weight?

Research your ideal body weight and figure out what your comfortable weight is between that number.  I am most comfortable between 110 and 115 pounds.  You might be more comfortable at 100 pounds or 120 pounds.  Figure out what feels best for your body.

No matter what, be objective and be kind to yourself.  Your goal is different that anyone else's and you will reach your goal when you get there.  Just continue to work towards your goal and celebrate every step you take to get closer to it.



Find What Works For you

When you start on your goal to a new you, you need to look around, try different things and see what works for you.  I have a need for order and I like lists.  I also like to physically see things written down.  So for me keeping track of everything on a spread sheet made the most sense.


When I first started keeping track I didn't make any changes in my diet (meaning how you eat NOT what weight loss fad you are currently partaking of).  I just wrote everything I ate and drank down on a notepad then transferred it over to an excel spreadsheet every few days.  I made sure to note the date, time, if it was a snack or a meal and what food or beverage I ingested.


I slowly noticed that my eating habits changed and I was drinking more water.  By keeping track I was making myself accountable for what I put in my mouth.  After 3 months, I started making my portions smaller (I actually have a small plastic cereal bowl and, for dinner, I will only fill the bowl to just below the room of what we are having for dinner.  this keeps me from over eating) and had made water my drink of choice.  I tried to up my protein.  This is a little difficult for me since I am allergic to nuts and most protein bars and drinks have some form of nut in them.  I actually use the Boost low calorie drinks as a snack or meal alternative to ensure that I am always getting protein.  I also really like those tuna salad packs you can get at the supermarket.  I never denied myself, but I was honest in my tracking and I kept my portions smaller.


I started eating something small every 2 hours or so and made sure I stopped eating by 6:30 every evening.  The point is to try to have a fasting period of 12 hours every night.  I am up by 4:00 every morning, so by 6:30 AM I am ready to have breakfast.  If you are a late eater you could stop later.  I also make sure to take a multi vitamin daily.


Like any fitness program, weighing myself became something I had to do.  I try to do it on the same day and approximate time every week.  I took my base line weight on Saturday at the end of my first week of keeping track of my food.  Then I didn't weigh myself again for 3 months.  I know it seems counter intuitive, but over those 3 months I was getting know myself and my habits.  I could tell I was already losing weight by the fit of my clothes.  I didn't want the added pressure of a number on the scale when I was learning to be honest with myself. 


When I started exercising, I started keeping track of that too.  I liked knowing that I was being active and it was easier for me to figure out what I liked doing and what I didn't.  I love my mini stepper, mini bike and fit board.  I also love my walk DVDs and I have been doing Zone pilates since I left the service.  I enjoyed my weekly adult tap class this winter, it was a good way to have fun with my friends while being active.  I am not a fan of hot yoga, but to each their own.


I purchased a fitbit to keep tack of my steps and to keep myself motivated.  I have found that I really do not get enough sleep most of the time.  Who knew 5 jobs could take up so much of your life.  :-)


I slowed down a little once it got cold this winter and I was stuck playing with the same 5 pounds.  I would lose them then get them back, so I just started up again after giving myself a month long break.  I thought maybe my body was tired from all of the changes I have made.  Loosing almost 80 pounds in a year can be hard on the body.  :-)   I have noticed that during my break I tended to stick to my healthy choices and exercise over some of the other options.


I am ready to get fit and lose those last 20 or so pounds.  I am so glad that I incorporated exercise and healthy eating to my life.  Because of the exercise, I am getting toned instead of saggy after the weight lose.  I think if I had just lost weight without toning I would have the loose sagging skin that you see on so many people these days.


Now it is your turn!  Find what works for you and get started on you ME initiative today!

A Time to Start

It always confuses me when people decide to make weight loss or healthy living a New year's resolution.  Their stomachs are stretched to the max from all of the holiday meals ingested since Thanksgiving, your body naturally eats more filling food during the cold months, and you tend to exercise less both from the weather and the amount of clothing you have to wear.


It makes much more sense to start in the summer.  Any time you feel motivated to start is always a good time, we are all different.  But the heat is a natural deterrent to eating a lot, most people are already more active and your motivation is at an all time high.


I started my journey in March of 2016, but I really started making a big difference in June a year ago.  I have found I'm still more motivated in the summer than in the winter.  Already I am starting to make up for the time I slowed down during the cold months this year.


No matter when you decide to start, the most important thing is to get started.

A Life Defined by 5 1/2 Years

Every soldier's life is shaped by the time they are in service to their country.  it begins when you are in basic and learn a routine and how to follow someone's lead and work as a team.  Then continues when you move to advanced training and you learn to stand alone in your new job.  Rounding out when you move to your permanent duty station.

Moving to your duty station is the beginning of bad habits for most, it certainly was for me.  I could eat what I wanted, drink what I wanted and interact with who I wanted.  Most of this has a minimal effect on your body due to the PT regime you still have to maintain.  Only those unlucky enough to be injured or who end up in an environment that makes PT up to the individual instead of the group really face this while on active duty.

By the time I realized I had not been kind to my body by learning how to eat healthy, life has happened.  I got married, had a daughter, my marriage culminated in an act of unexpected abuse, which results in another pregnancy, so I got out of the military, took 2 years to get divorced from my now AWOL husband and the stress adds up.

I ended up a totally single parent, went to school for a degree, started at the bottom when I begin working at a hospital, moved to a new town and a new job at a new hospital, get my job certification, and focused all of my attention on raising my daughters.  I slowly stopped exercising as I picked up more jobs to make ends meet.  I have gotten little to no child support from the donor and continue to struggle on.  It had become a habit to eat what I wanted, but now there is no exercise to balance out my terrible diet.

Before I knew it 14 years had passed and I was 210 pounds.  My height had still not changed and my 5 foot body was starting to make me aware of it's imminent shut down.  I found myself 38 and afraid I might not make it to my youngest daughters graduation when I will be 42.

It was time to make a change!

I decided to leave the worst of the last 14 years behind and bring forward the best of the military life.  I let those 5 1/2 years define me once again and help me to become who I was always meant to be. 

Let my path help you to become who you were meant to be, a Veteran Rising.

Join us in following one veteran's journey to self discovery and renewal.  You might discover that you find a little bit of yourself in her journey.