Stop Worrying About The Things You Can Not Change

So many of us get upset about things that are beyond our control.  Many of us give ourselves ulcers and anxiety just thinking about them.  Why do we do that to ourselves?
Age is just a number!
Just recently my cousin was bemoaning her age, in fact she was upset because her father was telling people how old she was.  I really can not understand why.  Age is something I never really think about.  Usually I don't even remember how old I am, I often tell people the year I was born and tell them to figure it out for themselves.  My age is only going to go up and never go down, it is one of those things I have no control over.  Only the way I look and act in my age can change.  It is really true that you are only as old as you feel.  I feel like every age is the new 20 and I am going to enjoy them all.  Besides, 39 never looked so good to me.  :-)
Eventually you will stop growing!
Most of the people I meet are taller then me.  Including my daughters and most of the children at the high school they attend.  New I meet often ask me how I can stand being so short.  My answer is usually "The same way you do...on two legs."  :-)  To me this is a very rude statement.  I am 5 feet tall and have been for most of my 39 years.  I am not going to grow, so God must have intended for me to be this height.  I enjoy being short, it is all I have ever known and I make it work for me. 
I try to concentrate on the things I can change in my life.  My weight, my fitness level, how I interact with my daughters, my commitment to my community and if I enjoy my job.  These are all things that I can do something about. 
Since beginning my path in the "Me Initiative" I have changed my view on all of these.  Every day I work out and am conscience of what I eat to make the changes I needed to in my weight and fitness level.  I now enjoy my job and I work hard every day to meet and surpass the expectations my boss has for me.  The girls and I spend a lot of time outside enjoying the world and our time spent together.  I have always made an effort to volunteer my time and money, but now I include the girls in my efforts and we spend even more of our time volunteering around the community.  Everyday my life gets better and the more time I spend focusing on the things I am able to change the better it will be.
What bothers you that you can not change?  Why does it bother you?
What could you focus on instead?

This Is Your Path

This has truly been my path to walk alone.  I have been self-motivating and self-creating my new reality.  There are those who will walk part of it with me, but no one can walk it for me.  Even those people on the same path as me are not going to the same destination I am.  Because of this I must always be aware of the pitfalls.

The "Me Initiative" is a little like the empty highway I found myself on a few days ago.  If you have ever been to Baltimore you know that that does not happen very often.  There were plenty of cars speeding towards me on the other side, but not a light to be seen on my side....at first.  By the time I took my exit, there were several tail lights a bit in front of me and headlights behind me, but they never did catch up to me and I never caught up to them.

That is the way my path has been.  There are people coming towards me who look at my success and say I do not need to go any further.  They mean well, but they are basing the thought on what they perceive is my goal and not what my actual goal is.  I can't worry about what they think.  Only I know what is best for me and what my end goal truly is.  There are people in front of me who are further along on the path.  It is tempting to try to catch up to them, but for now this is where my exit is.  I would be setting myself up for failure if I try to catch up to them.  I have developed a carefully constructed plan to meet my goal and rushing to catch up with someone else will not get me there.  There are people behind me who have not started on the path or are not as far along as me.  I can not slow down to let them catch up.  I can offer them support and advice as to what has been working for me, but they have their own path to follow.

Sometimes my path is lonely.  I would love to find a battle buddy who would run with me at 3am or who doesn't mind my crazy fitness regime.  And maybe at some point I will find that person, but it will still be my path to walk alone.  Their goals will be different then mine and while we may be on parallel paths we each have to motivate ourselves in the end and stay true to the path that we are on.

Where is your path leading you?

Have you found a battle buddy to share the path with?

Dare To Do The Things You Said You Would Never Do

For years I have said that the only way I would ever run again was in the event of the zombie apocalypse.  Apparently the zombie apocalypse happened last Saturday.  Every day this week I have started my day with a mile and a half run.  I forgot how much I actually love to run.  Running was always something that I would do twice a day, how did I survive not doing it at all?
I realize that my reluctance to run was because I just could not physically do it and it would have drawn attention to myself.  Running was just another joy that I deprived myself of, so I could maintain my armor. 
As I have traveled on the path of the "Me Initiative" and my fitness and activity level has gone up I have more and more heard the call to run.  The need to hit the pavement was something I just could not ignore anymore.  I did not intend to start with a mile and a half distance. but it was a natural start and stop point from house.  I actually didn't track the distance until Thursday, so imagine my shock when I realized I had been going that far all week. 
I have not felt such inner piece as I have this week.  Those 3am moments when it's just me and the street lights enjoying the physical activity and the gentle slap of my sneakers on the sidewalk have really helped me to find my center.
I have never been a fast runner, but I could always run everyone else to the ground with my distances.  And I am okay with that.  I enjoy myself more when I move slow and steady as opposed to forcing myself to move fast.  My goal is to eventually manage three laps of my route.  The girls would like to do some 5ks like the color run and, amazingly enough, the zombie run.  But other than that my morning runs are just a time for me to center myself and enjoy the exertion.
I would have missed out on something I truly love if I had continued to ignore my need to run.  My stance of never running again was becoming a detriment to my progression and my emotional well being.  All because I was afraid that I would not be able to do it and someone might see my red face of exertion at the end of my run.
Do not let a statement you made long ago keep you from becoming the best version of you.  There are some things that I am fairly certain I will not do, like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, but as soon as I find someone willing to give me a ride on their Harley I am ready.
What have you said you would never do?
Why do you feel you will not do it?

Do You Want To Be Skinny Or Fit

Definition of Skinny - Means very thin.
Definition of Fit - means to be in good health, especially because of regular exercise and to be the right shape and size.
Making this distinction was something I have always struggled with in the past.  Every time I have failed in my weight loss struggles it was because I was looking to be skinny and not fit.  I admit that I fell into the social hype and joined the crowds as to what a person is "Supposed" to look like.
Society looks at those individuals who are the stars, the ones on the magazines and the ones on the news to determine what looks good.  And yes there are many "Skinny" people out there.  But a lot of those people are not truly healthy.  They have used diet alone to achieve something that looks good in clothes, but once they are naked the truth can be seen.  There are the un-healthy skinny people who look like their skin is falling off of their bones, some people are skinny fat and can fit in a size zero but have extra flesh in certain areas and should really aim to wear a size one.  Then you have the ones who look good in and out of their clothes, the models who seem skinny on the surface but are in fact fit.  They use a rigorous combination of diet and exercise to achieve a true look of health.
After many failed attempts and a lot of research I realized that to reach my goals in the "Me Initiative" I had to change my standard of body image.  I thought I wanted to be skinny when I have really always wanted to be fit.  I have curves and I am okay with that.  My entire life I have had what I call "Hawaiian Hips", a nice way to say I actually have a bottom and my thighs are bigger then someone who is tall with long muscles.  But they match perfectly with my muscular calves, short stature and smaller waist.  It has taken me years to determine that I am perfectly proportioned to myself.  Amazingly enough, the fact that I have two daughters who tower over me with long muscles helped me to see that there is an actual difference based on a person's height.  I am still working to meet my goal, but now that I am looking at my reality and not society's fantasy I know I will get there.
The first thing you need to do when deciding if you want to be fit or skinny is to choose standards for how you want to judge yourself.  People will always tell you that you are too skinny, too fat or too muscular.  Those people judge everyone based on what they look like and what they perceive as the standard.  The most important opinion is your own.  As long as you are pleased with your own physique it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
What standard are you judging yourself by?  Society's or your own?

Let Your Passion Wake You Up Not An Alarm Clock

I have always had a zest for life, a passion to enjoy each day to the fullest and get every drop of joy I am to from it.  From the day I started middle school I have been an early riser.  I function at my best when the day is fresh and new.  I never really needed an alarm clock, my internal alarm would just get me up.  It has always been like my body knew it was time to get up and enjoy life.  My ability to get up on my own at any time of my chosen helped me a lot when I was living the Army life.
The hardships and my mental location of the last fifteen years saw my joy for life slowly disappear.  Each day my passion was harder and harder to bring to the front, until I reached my lowest point and realized that I had no passion left at all.  I found no joy in living and it was the worst realization I have made to date.  Not even the joy of my girls was enough to wake me in the mornings.  My internal alarm clock was one of the things I missed the most when I was buried in the depths of my armor.  Every day that I had to set an alarm and then force myself to get up made me realize how low I had truly fallen. 
One of the first steps I took in the "Me Initiative" was to rediscover my passion.  It took a while, with many false starts, but I have found it now.  My passion is finding the joy in life, even when it seems like there should be no joy at all.  I remember how much I love 2am work outs.  No matter how much I sweat and how much my muscles might ache they make me feel great the rest of the day.  I have gotten to the point where I feel yucky if I miss a work out.  Even a lite day requires me to do some kind of activity to feel good.
For the last year I have not had to set an alarm clock.  Every morning my internal alarm gets me up and I feel invigorated and motivated to start my day.  I wake each morning with a purpose in life that I have been missing.  A need to meet each day with the desire to find the joy in it.  It is amazing how motivated you become when your passion wakes you up.
What is your passion?
Does it motivate you to get up in the morning?

Reward Yourself For Meeting Milestones

Throughout my journey, I have set certain milestones for myself.  Goals within my plan to motivate me on my way.  Little places that I decided I would reward myself with something I wanted when I reached them.

At this weeks weigh in I met one of those milestones.  I wanted to successfully get into the 120s in my weight.  This is the first time, in my weight loss attempts, during the past 15 years that I was able to do it.  It is a true testament of my motivation to my "Me Initiative" and my fitness goals.  Every time before I would get stuck in the 130s and for the previous 3 weeks I was stuck at 130.  I was becoming a little worried about it.  When I stepped on the scale Saturday morning and the scale said 127 pounds.  I did a happy dance with a smile on my face. 

Later that day I went out with the girls and my friend to get my hair colored.  My hair is now my natural color with streamers of red in it.  Something I have been wanting to do for years.  No matter how I have been in the past, I am not really a conventional person.  I love the shock factor.

I feel so much more motivated now between meeting my milestone and the reward of my new hair.  I'm excited to continue on my path in the "Me Initiative" to meet my ultimate goal.

It is so important to set myself goals within my goal.  They help me to work toward my main goal by giving me little milestones along the way.  Places where I can give myself mini rewards to remind me why I am on the "Me Initiative".

Of course I already know what my reward will be at the end.  I will have gotten fit, embraced my new lifestyle, reached my goal weight and exercise level, and rewarded myself with a tattoo.  Something I have wanted for a long time, but refused to get until it had a meaning.  I still have to work on a design, but when I am ready to get it the design will present itself.

What are your milestones?

What will you reward yourself with when you reach them?



Take The Time To Really See Yourself

The biggest battle in the "Me Initiative" has been with my perception of myself.  I knew going into this that I needed to rebuild myself from the ground up.  In order to make a lasting change I had to work on my mental and emotional vision of myself as well as my physical body.  I know that the attempts I made in the past didn't last because I never addressed the underlying issues.  I did not give myself my own unyielding support. So as I came across a bump in the road I was back to where I had been before and in most cases even further back.

This time I knew that I wanted the changes to last.  I am ready to discover the real me.  To accomplish that I knew that I had to really look at the way I saw myself.  It is not very flattering, but this is what I thought of myself almost two years ago at the beginning of my journey.

Before the "Me Initiative" - I saw myself as Quiet, reserved, trying to avoid being noticed, would talk if spoken to but didn't seek out conversation, nervous, lazy, giving, loyal, and caring.

Looking at it now, I can see that being quiet and reserved was part of my armor.  If I didn't seek out conversation then I didn't have to worry about rejection.  It is really kind of setting yourself up to be rejected without any of the effort.  I think I was nervous because I was worried that someone would see what I had so carefully hidden.  They might have seen that what was on the surface was a carefully built illusion and draw attention to me.  I don't know why I ever thought I was lazy.  I have a full time job, work part time for three dance schools, designed and created my own line of products and have been the only parent of two beautiful girls. The lazy I thought I was, was really just me being tired.  Since 1996, I have been up at 3am and gone to bed after 9:30pm.  That is roughly six or less hours of sleep a night.  I'm sure most would be tired and then add on the extra weight and all of the self-doubt and recriminations and a person just stays tired.  I am glad to see that I at least felt a few kind thoughts of myself.  I am very giving, I try to give dance scholarships every year, I give back to the police officers in our community, and I volunteer my time as much as possible.  I am very loyal to the people I consider my friends.  I give them my all, giving of my time and funds freely if they need it.  That is why it hurts so badly when I have found out my loyalty was misplaced.  I am a very caring person, I feel for everyone I have come across.  I would willingly give the shirt off my back if it was the last thing I had and someone needed it.  This quality makes it very hard for me to tell others no.  Even if it is detrimental to my well being. 

As the next step in the "Me Initiative", I asked some of my friends to describe me.  I was very shocked at how they viewed me, how had they seen this side of myself that I completely missed?  But then I realized that these were people I had slowly let see the real me.  I'm not sure when it happened, but it is good to know that they were able to get under my armor.  I have hope that more people will get in now that my armor is coming off.  Here are some of their descriptions:

SL - "Focused.  You tend to set a goal and work your ass off to follow it through, no matter what curve balls life throws at you.  When things get tough, you get tougher because you have your eyes on the prize"

SS - "Confident, strong, artistic, talented, generous (with time and money), devoted mother, real friend!"

AJ - "Thoughtful, driven, positive, chatty (hee hee), talented"

BV - "Hard working, dependable, fun, honest, caring, giving to those you feel are in need"

SG - "Indomitable; hard working; loving; wise; dedicated; kind; devoted; funny; honest; an inspiration"

Now, I can look at myself critically and see all of those qualities.  I can also see that I am a very interactive person.  I love to talk with people; kids, old, young, guys, girls, I enjoy them all.  I love to see what matters to them and to share what matters to me.  I'm extremely happy when I am surrounded by a steady stream of different people, but I also need some quite time.  An hour on my balcony with a good book is more than enough to recharge me for another day.  I love to be outside and especially on the water.  I love to be active, hiking, fishing, rollerblading, swimming, boating and so many more activities.  I love cheering for my sports teams and my favorite fighters.  I love going to car shows and bike weeks and there is nothing better than crawling under a car working on the engine.  (I guess the Army got my MOS right.  :-) ) I enjoy spending time with my girls and I love teaching them to support those in the community, both those in need and the ones who are doing their best to protect and serve as well as fighting fires.

Now that I have uncovered my real personality, I can't imagine ever going back to the way I have been the last fifteen years.  This is the first time in my life that I feel like myself.  I am happy with the me I am and every aspect I uncover makes me happier.

What do you think of yourself?

What do your friends think of you?

Has your view of yourself changed?